Catholic Church Wedding Fiasco

In her Facebook post, Janine Seit Suelto-Sagario, the bride, shared the sad story of her wedding ceremony at Saint Andrew Parish in Amlan, Negros Oriental. The special day for the couple turned into a nightmare when the priest started the Mass before the bride reached the altar. Janine felt deep dismay and disappointment as her long-awaited moment was disrupted. Her post went viral, resulting in criticism of the Catholic priest in particular, and the Catholic Church in general.

The bride wrote: "Sa dinami-dami ng negative feedbacks na narinig ko tungkol sa ating parokya, hindi ko ito pinadala, pinili ko/namin na hindi magpakasal sa simbahan dahil dito ako! Dahil ipinagmamalaki ko ang ating parokya, ngunit ito ang parehong bagay na sinira ang aking pinaka-espesyal na sandali sa aking buhay!" (In the midst of all the negative feedback I've heard about our parish, I didn't let this discourage me; we chose to get married in the church because I am from this place/parish! I take pride in our parish, but it's also the very thing that ruined my most special moment in life!) Her friends and some residents of Amlan supported these negative feedbacks about the parish. Some anti-Catholics used the incident to attack the Catholic Church and priests. Sadly, some Catholics joined in criticizing the priest.

THE PARISH PRIEST'S STATEMENT

The parish priest, Msgr. Albert Erasmo Bohol, issued an official statement on what happened in the viral church wedding fiasco: "The wedding ceremony was officially scheduled at 8:00 a.m. that day. That schedule was set a month before. However, on the night before the wedding, one of the lady sponsors went to the bride and groom’s house and told them that the wedding was moved to 9:30 a.m. and that they should not be in a hurry. She relayed this information in an unofficial capacity," he explained. "This is unfortunate since there was no instruction at all from anyone in the Parish Office that there are changes in the schedule since there was a scheduled Funeral Mass at 9:30 a.m. of that same morning."

He apologized "to the bride and the groom, to their respective families who were directly offended" by the fiasco, including "statements made carried away by emotions." He also apologized "to the people who have seen our humanity as Priests in a time when we were weakest of any possible control." He even defended the assisting priest for facilitating the wedding mass "out of charity" despite lack of time.

Some comments on the statement of Msgr. Bohol.

(1) The use of "THE TRUTH" was a red flag. It gives the public the warning that the view of the parish priest is the last word on the issue and that any statement contrary to it is false. This is a typical mindset of the clergy, believing they have the final say in the parish. The miscommunication of the schedule is factual, and the cause was identified, albeit unnamed. However, the parish priest issued his statement without first meeting the person who, based on the bride's statement, was asked by the convent staff to inform them of the changes of schedule.

A few days after the incident, the lady sponsor explained in the video that she met the parish priest right after the wedding ceremony to confess what she did and apologize to both the parish priest (Msgr. Bohol) and Fr. Kho. However, this is not reflected in the parish priest's statement. In the statement, the parish office staff theorized that "the lady sponsor may have misread the dates written on the bulletin which she perused the night before." So, the parish priest was not aware that the "taga-convento" told the lady sponsor about the change of schedule, which according to the lady sponsor, was only a "haka-haka" (joke).

After meeting with the parish priest, the lady sponsor absolved the priests and the parish staff for their misgivings and did not divulge her "kauban" (companion in serving the church) to take the blame herself. It appears that the lady sponsor is afraid of the wrath of the parish priest and the parish staff. But this is a disservice to the truth.

(2) The use of "Monsignor" as his title is telling. I do not question his achievement as a priest that earned him the title of "monsignor" (Lord or My Lord). But using "Monsignor" instead of "Father" indicates an ambition to climb the "career" path in the hierarchy and be treated above other ordained priests. Initially, I thought that he was required to put his title in the official letter, but it seems that he enjoyed being called "Monsignor" or "Mons" by his parishioners.

"In 2007, Pope Benedict XVI, upon the request of then Cebu Archbishop Ricardo Cardinal Vidal, conferred the title of “monsignor” on 18 priests in Cebu," according to the Cebu Daily News. The title of "monsignor" enjoys ecclesiastical privileges. A year after Cardinal Bergoglio's election, Pope Francis decided to limit the honor of “monsignor” among diocesan priests, granting it only to those at least 65 years old. Pope Francis often warns clergy against the temptations of careerism and personal ambition. He believes it creates division and elitism, which gives rise to the evil of clericalism and should be avoided. Pope Francis himself preferred to be addressed as "Father" when he was a bishop and later, a cardinal in Argentina.

THE ATTITUDE OF THE PRIEST

What are these "statements made carried away by emotions" in the statement of the parish priest?

The Bride was deprived of the Bridal March

In her post, the bride said: "Kagahapon quarter to 9:00am mi naabot sa church, gabutang jud mig allowance para naa pa mi time nga maka tayada ug tarong! Pero ang nahitabo gisugat mig kasaba sa staff sa simbahan kay 1 hour late na daw mi, dili daw himuong ordinaryo ang simbahan! Ilaha tanang baba sa pagkasaba and yawyaw wala sila gahatag namo ug chance to explain our side! Naa pa kos baba/entrance sa simbahan gisugdan na ang mass wa man lang paabota nga makaabot kos altar and to think hapit pa ko maslide sa pag dali² knowing nga buntis ko and hapit na manganakay! Grabe kasakit sa dughan, dissapointment, and kaulaw among nafeel kay sa pag abot sa altar nakadawat napud kasaba sa pari! Giingnan pa ko nga abi nila ug nanganak nako maong wa mi katungha sa saktong oras!" (Yesterday, we arrived at the church at 8:45 AM, giving ourselves extra time to prepare properly. However, the church staff scolded us, saying we were an hour late and that the church shouldn't be treated as ordinary. They didn't give us a chance to explain our side. While I was still at the entrance, they started the Mass without waiting for me to reach the altar. I nearly slipped in my rush, even though I am pregnant and about to give birth. We felt deep pain, disappointment, and embarrassment because, when we reached the altar, the priest scolded us again, saying they thought I had already given birth, which is why we were late.)

The Couple was Rebuked in Public

The aunt of the groom wrote: "If only they had been there to hear what he said, or if someone had taken a video and uploaded it on social media, it would have caused a huge uproar," she said. "The issue isn’t just that the bride was walking down the aisle when the priest began the ceremony. What hurt us were his words—they damaged our morale and ruined the couple’s special moment. He could have been more considerate."

"Yes, you can express your frustrations, but don’t do it publicly on the microphone for everyone in the church to hear. He shouldn’t talk to us that way," she said. "We have a lot of respect for the priest and the Catholic Church because we grew up as Catholics, but our family can’t tolerate or respect priests who behave like that. I understand they’re tired, but they shouldn’t take it out on people, especially just because we’re poor. I wonder if he’d treat wealthy parishioners the same way if they were late for their wedding."

Insincere Apology

In the statement, the parish priest apologized to the bride and groom, their families, and the public. However, netizens perceived the apology as insincere. Father Bohol praised the priest for being charitable, but the priest's actions suggested impatience and unchristian behavior. He could have waited for the bride to reach the altar before starting the Mass and rebuked the couple in private.

I think this is the reason for the public uproar. It's the priest's attitude.

OPTIONS: FINDING SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM

If the priest didn't want to officiate the wedding because of time constraints, he could have respectfully declined and informed the couple of their options.

Wedding Rite Without the Mass

Since there was not enough time, he could have proceeded with the wedding rite without the Mass. The wedding would still be valid; the Mass is not a requirement for a church wedding to be valid.

Adjustments Within the Mass

The priest could have informed the choir to skip singing some portions of the Mass. For instance, the Lord's Prayer can be recited and other parts. He could have coordinated with the wedding planner to forgo the entourage march and proceed only with the bridal march, which is considered by many brides as a special event.

Adjustment of Time

The statement expressed gratitude to the bereaved family for waiting until the wedding was finished. I presumed they arrived minutes before their scheduled time. It seems there was no effort to contact the bereaved family for a schedule adjustment. The bereaved family might have agreed to reschedule if properly informed. Instead of the 9:30 schedule, they will be moved to 10:00 or 10:15. There was still time to contact them. The parish staff, if these were service-oriented, could have found ways to solve the problem instead of scolding the couple.

When the couple did not arrive on time, the parish staff could have texted or called them. Due to this incident, all parishes must include this protocol to avoid miscommunication. This task is not difficult. It is value-added to the parishioners. Of course, the parish must educate the couples to verify with the parish office if there are changes in the schedule.

The Church of the Poor

"I wonder if he’d treat wealthy parishioners the same way if they were late for their wedding," the aunt said. Her statement about mistreatment, because they are poor, should remind our priests and their staff to be respectful, as the church's services should not be run like a corporation. This is why ordained priests are for the service of the universal priesthood of believers.